To the new year and to new things

So of course what's a week without problems right? But we are working through them and we will keep working through them until they are no longer problems. But I'm ending my year much differently then I thought I was going to. New Year's Eve will be our anniversary and Devon and I will be spending it together. I couldn't be happier and I hope that we continue to have anniversaries together. Not sure what we will do for this one but all that matters now is that we will spend it together.
Seeing how happy Chayse gets when he has both mommy and daddy together makes my heart melt!
Hopefully 2014 will be a better year for us

Merry Christmas.

Where do I start? My Christmas was great. I spent time with my family and not that I asked for much for Christmas but I got everything I wanted. And so did Chayse! My Christmas eve started with an argument with Devon and then Tyler and I went shopping. Met Devon at my work and he then told me that he loves me and wants to prove to me that we can make things work and be together. So I told him I was willing to make things work. He went to church with us and spent the night and then we spent all Christmas together! :)
So as much as I worry constantly about him going back to Ashley. I still wish hope and pray that we can pick up where we left off. And be together fully. I hate how much I love him but he's my soul mate and I just can't stay away!
But other then that Chayse had a blast with all his new toys and opening presents and playing with everyone. He was so happy to have his mommy and daddy together. And had an altogether great day!  Down fall though we both have really bad colds. :/
Merry Christmas!

It's still not feeling much like Christmas

Christmas is in 4 days and it doesn't feel like it at all. But I'm ready for all the holiday crap to be over. On top of planning Chayse's birthday party i am also planning my friends baby shower and im so excited! the theme is a surprise to her. But I know she will love it!

On another note I decided that if Devon shows up on time tomorrow I will allow him to take Chayse. But only to make myself look good. I'm still filing for full custody. 

There is no such thing as happily ever after

I feel like once things start going good something just has to happen and ruin everything. I hate it. All I want is a family and to love someone and have them love me in return. But right now things have gotten out of control. I'm going to start filing for full custody this week. It's the only way I can protect my son from the horrible things his father comes up with. As much as I don't want to do it. It's not fair to my son for his father to just go and replace our family with another one because he doesn't know how to fix things. So for now it's just me and Chayse and I want to keep it like that. I hate being alone but I have to get my shit together so that Chayse and I can have the life we deserve. 
But on a better note Chayse is growing way to fast his two bottom teeth are in and adorable!  I got told they want to keep me permanently for work. Breastfeeding is still going wonderful and I'm doing a lot better at pumping.  Chayse is such a chatter box. He says kitty kitty, ball, mommy, dada, yeah, and hi. We went and did a cute Santa's work shop thing were going to see Santa but Chayse fell asleep.
And I can't wait for Christmas!  :)

Tuesday's are new days too

Well Saturday Chayse's bottom two front teeth cut through finally. But it's been miserable ever since. He has been so grumpy and fussy and barely sleeping. I hate watching him cry and be in pain I just hope this goes by quickly!
I also am on my second week of work it's been nice I love having a job. I don't like being away from Chayse all the time But I know im doing what's best for us to have a good life.
Devon and I are doing really good again have for about a month now.  I am really hoping that we can work through things and possibly be a real family again. But of course I can't get my hopes up.
Still been looking for a car which has sucked horribly. And my mom could careless about helping me
But on a brighter note I'm starting to plan Chayses birthday party and I can't wait! Still keeping the theme a secret but its going to be a blast!

Happy Thanksgiving

My thanksgiving started out wonderful went hiking with my best friend Tyler and then met Devon and Chayse for brunch which also went great got home and got ready and then went to my moms which started great but ended horrible my mother and I will never be able to get a long I think its just inevitable. But whatever.  Now ending my night with my wonderful son watching the Lorax.
One day I hope to have an actual family and have big thanksgiving dinners and watch football and have all the family together hanging out drinking and bullshitting. That's my dream.......but for now it's just a fantasy...